| | I forgot to add this to the last epistle I wrote on this blog.... but this is a very significant shift for me this year. Head over to THIS blog (http://www.aholyexperience.com/2009/12/when-you-cant-figure-out-what-answer.html) and read before continuing... it is SO GOOD.
When I read that post in particular, I was in tears. Because I am a "NO" mom. No is my default. No, because it is too messy. No, because I don't have time. No, because I just don't feel like it. No, because I really don't know how to draw that. No, because it is just not worth my time or energy. No, because it is out of my comfort zone. No, no, no.
(meet Abby - our newest addition.... she is a sweetheart. i have had to say YES to her messes too)
How utterly pathetic and sad. Oh wretched mom that I am so much of the time. I am not whining or feeling sorry for myself. I am lamenting my very obvious shortcomings and sinfulness before the Lord and you all. It is true.
 
The "me" up until 2010 values the least amount of chaos as possible. I hate playdough cause it just crumbles and produces more work for me in the end. I hate paint cause I have to clean it off the girls, my table and the floor (and walls...). I hate "crafting" with my daughter that LOVES crafts because it is just MORE mess to clean up and more work for me in the end. Nevermind, HER joy in the process of the mess making.
By God's grace, that ME is gone this year. She still rears her ugly head at times.... usually daily. But I have an answer for her. The answer is YES. I want my default to change to YES this year. Yes to the mess. Yes to the inconvenience. Yes to the time "wasteing." Yes, to my DAUGHTER. Yes, to fun. Yes, to memories. Yes, to chaos. Yes, to joy. Yes, yes, yes.
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I still say "no" for selfish reasons. But at least now I see that for what it is... sin. Selfishness. Complacency. Pride. SIN. Yes, sin. Saying "no" is not sin in and of itself. There is a place for "no." But there is no place for selfishness in "no."
 
My friend, Alyssa, said it best HERE.
Divorce yourself if you want to be a good mom. Not begrudgingly. Not oh pity, pity me type stuff. Not even for the sake of feeling good about yourself, your selflessness being a pat on the back of goodness and thus giving a short-lived dose of affirmation. So really, divorce yourself if you want to be a good mom. For the name sake of Christ. Motivation: for the glory of God.
I MUST divorce myself to be a good mom. Period. Many will balk at that because it is really en vogue to fight for our rights as moms to rediscover US. To focus on ME. One book even says "taking care of the ME in mommy." There is a place for that. But the reality is that we are often TOO focussed on the ME in mommy. We sacrifce our kids on the alter of self-preservation, self-realization, self-actualization in the quest to find ourselves, to reclaim the cool, independent, innovative, fun women we were pre-kids. Even my MOPS theme this year is "Life on Planet Mom" and is often focussed on ME. Its not really that I think I have lost myself, or my identity as a woman in motherhood. I just find that if I am honest with myself and God, I spend WAY more time focussed on avoding messes, elimating chaos, making life easier for ME, than I spend asking myself "how can I be a blessing to my children? how can I say YES to my daughter today in a way that would strengthen our heart connection and make lasting memories? how can i DIE to myself today?"
 
(loving spring in AZ)
It is clear in Scripture that DYING to ourselves and taking up crosses (aka sacrifice, pain, messes, interruptions, altered schedules, more messes, less me-time) and following Christ is what is required of us. We nod our heads and agree wholeheartedly while in our church pews. We agree that this is the appropriate posture and response of a true Christ-follower. So why do we balk at that as mothers? Why do we all of a sudden justify avoiding those crosses at all costs and pampering and attending to ourselves as mothers-looking-for-our-pre-mother-selves? I must die to my sinful nature every day as a Christ-follower, and to be honest, my sinful nature and selfishness shows up most in my motherhood. So it makes sense that AS A MOM, I MUST DIE TO MYSELF and my sinful, selfish agenda and pride. I must divorce my self-absorbed self to properly sacrificially love and attend to my kids.
 
(on a date for "brekky" as they would say in Australia)
So I still need alone time? Sure! So, I make myself get up earlier (novel idea) than the girls... which means I must make myself go to bed earlier than I would "like" (and maybe forgo that extra spisode of 24 on the netflix disc....) so that I can still be alert and attentive to my kids the next day. That is how I die to self and still make room for something that is important to me and to my sanity. I occasionally get out and go and journal or have some down time alone. Thankfully that is something John and I BOTH value and help make happen for each other. It is a partnership and something that we strive to offer each other and serve each other with, and not demand from each other and our family life.
But the point is that I need a new "norm" or default in my vocabulary, and it needs to be YES. And one way, for me, that I can start saying yes is by saying , "Yes, I will get off the computer and play." Ciao!
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| | Posted 3/8/2010 10:17 AM - 119 Views - 10 eProps - 5 comments
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